I’ve heard that golden toilets stink
Just like any other toilet.
Of course, those who say that don’t understand
That Trump’s golden toilet
Blooms with fields of wildflowers,
And Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony trumpets
When he enters the bathroom
To declare that He is the One, the only One.
I can’t really tell if what I’ve heard is right
Either one way or another.
I’ve never even dreamed of having a gold toilet,
And if I had one, I’d been afraid to sit on it.
After all, we must remember
That when Dionysius gave Midas the golden touch
He fervently wished for,
He even turned his daughter into solid gold!
Who knows what the greed exhibited
By owning a golden toilet can lead to?
I personally prefer my toilets to be porcelain.
Category Archives: I ought to go eat worms
Ode to Trump’s Golden Toilet
Filed under I ought to go eat worms, poems, Poetry, Thomas Davis
In the Time of Putin, Netanyahu, Hamas, and Trump
By Thomas Davis
I was sitting in my dream talking
to this being not from a human woman’s womb,
but who looked human, almost.
“Your galaxy has around three hundred billion suns,” it said.
“There’s maybe two trillion galaxies,
each galaxy with billions of suns.”
It smiled at me, although I wasn’t sure
what I was seeing was a smile.
“Planets are more common than suns.
The question you keep asking yourself is:
with all those planets,
why haven’t you found intelligent life?”
It stretched legs and arms not quite legs and arms.
“The truth is,” it said casually. “Intelligence is aggressive.
A blob of life rises from primordial soup,
competes with other blobs.
Intelligence conjures
from the blobs that figure out how to survive.
. . . and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,
and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle,
and over all the earth,
and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.”
“The problem is,” it continued.
“Intelligence is necessary to communicate outward,
trying to find planets where intelligence
has been aggressive enough to understand
it couldn’t possibly be alone in the universe.
“But, before two aliens can find each other:
fusion wars, pandemics, populations that can’t control themselves
and breed until destroyed through mass starvation,
greenhouse gases that drive planets out of control,
or the former blobs have become intelligent enough
come to understand intelligence is the problem
and take up navelgazing rather than trying to communicate . . .”
It shrugged, looked, glittering, into my eyes.
Filed under I ought to go eat worms, poems, Poetry, Thomas Davis
Putin’s Puppet Party (the PPP, used to be the GOP)
Thomas Davis
is on the roll of rolls.
I mean, tariffs are terrifying the world as Mr. Trump trumps his ego
with a paroxysm of actions that have Americans checking their wallets
and the rest of the world wondering who unlocked Pandora’s box this time.
But don’t worry,
Putin’s not worried.
Russia wasn’t hit with a single tariff.
After all, they haven’t signed on to the cease fire Mr. Trump said they’d sign,
and what’s happened?
The PPP has come out with excuses piled on excuses,
and the bombs have continued to blow up schools, hospitals, and power plants,
and Russian soldiers have continued to die
as they inch forward on Ukrainian soil,
and NATO is scared to death it’s collapsing
as Trump fumes about his allies and knows Putin is his best friend.
There was a time when the GOP was a stalwart against Communism.
The Red Menace was a plague that had to be stopped!
There was even a time when Dwight Eisenhower
stood as solid as a giant
and took on Facism worldwide and beat it
and then joined Churchill in decrying the evils of the Russian Empire.
I remember all that. Don’t you?
Eisenhower was once the President and the leader of the GOP.
But that’s old history now.
The PPP is in charge.
They have the majority in the Senate and the House of Representatives,
and Mr. Trump won a landslide by the skin of the skin of his teeth,
although he denies the latter part of that statement—
and don’t worry.
The stock market is collapsing,
a recession, or maybe stagflation, that strange beast, is around the corner,
and the entire world wonders what kind of new enemy has arisen in the west,
but the PPP is assuring us we can trust in Trump.
After all, Mr. Putin says we can.
I tell you, the PPP, even as it repeats endlessly strings of lies,
never leads anyone astray!
Filed under I ought to go eat worms, poems, Poetry, Thomas Davis
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